Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Discouragement and Hope

Last Friday and Saturday were pretty rough days. Reece and I were both feeling discouraged at how long this path to parenthood has become, and how much longer it feels. We both were wondering if this is ever going to happen for us, if we'll ever get to be parents. After years of infertility and treatments, we were excited to choose adoption, and we burned through those stacks of paperwork really fast! A week after we were approved, our agency announced that they aren't going to be an agency any more (see the last paragraph of this post). We have three months to find a match, or it will cost literally 5 times as much to adopt. We have begun the overwhelming process of researching adoption grants, other listing sites, and even other agencies. It all feels really discouraging. And I am sick of filling out paperwork! 

On Saturday afternoon, I just had to get out of the house. I found an excuse (needed a new butter dish) and off we went. As we came out of the store, I saw what was literally the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen. And then I realized it was a double rainbow!

I've always liked rainbows. Growing up, my mom had Noah's Ark stuff all over the house, as it was her favorite scripture story. She was impressed by the faith it took to build the ark and get in with all those animals, not knowing how this would turn out. And of course, at the end, the rainbow is God's promise that He will not destroy the earth with a flood again.

So when I saw that double rainbow, it just felt hopeful to me, like a reassurance that this is all going to work out. We got in the car and drove to the next store (to get jars for our annual apple butter! I'm very excited, we're making it this weekend). On the drive, we were listening to a random radio station, since all the ones I usually like had commercials. Just as I tuned in, they were playing Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet," and the chorus really hit home to me. It goes:

And I know some day that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

It felt very much like the song was about adoption. I'm adding it to our hypothetical "adoption soundtrack." I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and I believe that His plan includes becoming parents. It has taken a lot of work to get to a point where we are ready for this, both legally/logistically and emotionally. But I know that work will be used to work it out, in ways I don't yet know or understand.

And I know that Heavenly Father does give us so much more than we are even able to give to Him. And Reece and I have so much love to give this baby, however he or she comes into our lives. We talk about parenthood all the time, about the fun activities and traditions we want to do and the things we want to teach our children. We love the opportunities we have at church and in our extended family to love children, and we're hopeful and excited to have children in our own home.

When we came out of the store from the last of our errands, we saw the double rainbow again. I posted a photo of it on Facebook (side note: maybe we should get an adoption instagram account), but here it is again:

It was more visible in real life, but you can see the double to the left here

I made it the wallpaper on my phone. And we're looking for ways to redouble our efforts to get our name out there, in the hope that someone will choose us. If you would like more of our passalong cards, let me know and I can mail you some. 

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post, Haley. Your sweet baby will come! Heavenly Father is so faithful and loves you and Reece and your baby so much! I know His heart hurts watching you wait and I know He wanted to send you a reminder of His love. :)